16 Jun 2014

Facta Non Verba

I'm tired and the only words spinning through the skull are Facta Non Verba - Latin "Deeds, Not Words." I motto held by a few organizations and more than one persons life motto.

The idea of life motto is strange to me. The whole concept that a few lines define your perception or interaction of the world seems very limiting in such a existance of possibilities. A simple selection of language be the deciding factor or de facto position on choices in life feels like a prison. Life mottos exist, they are there and people abide by them - I best come to terms with it.

Remember Me - a neat concept for a cyberpunk video game
On my list of things to play
Image copyright Capcom
One of the diffculties with my shity shifts, 1800-0600 four days a week, is getting together with folks. People forget that I'm working the same shift since June (26th to be exact), nothing has changed and they are always asking if I'm free for this or that. That's annoying - it's not hard enough I don't chill with folks semi regular, making it much harder to keep connected with folks and maintaining relationships but when those friends keep forgetting that I'm off the grid while I work or while I'm sleeping it's a shity feeling.

Feels like folks don't give a fuck enough to remember.

Fair - it's been a hard year for everyone: me, the wife, and the mates. Yet I'm tired of always having to ask about getting something going and then being the jerk to put it all together. I'm wasted on folks who want better relationship and do nothing to improve their lot - or even worse folks who think that have such close bonds, do nothing in keeping those bonds, and honestly believe everything is hunky dory.

Maybe I'm a jerk - probably am a jerk. Maybe I'm asking for things and not really doing it myself - making me a hypocrite, that's very believable. I just don't know where I stand with lots of folks these days and my default is to cut them off.

I'm excited that the job I did the testing for, with the full on fever, got back to me and asked for the interview (making that step 3 out of 5, with a second interview and acceptance to hopefully follow). I don't see folks much and I'm finally getting somewhere. It's important to me and I wana go one about it - yet I feel like I'm in the way or being a third wheel with folks.

I'll be out of a gaming group soon unless my shifts disappear. I've already lost my Sunday nights at the Wizards Tower (had a game last night, I played so badly). Seems the life I work for is slowly falling apart and I guess I'm hoping that I'd get a bit more effort from some of the folks I chill with.

I also need to come to terms with things like; people change. My friends are not static creatures trapped in time only thought of when I wish I was not in a Emissions Secure cage that is my current place of employment. They also have needs, wants - they have whole lives.

There is a distance growing and I was hoping that with some give and take between us it would be less. I'm not the only one thinking this as well - every one is. I'm not special here. The Lady Bear's friendships are changing, with many of them lost to silly dumb folks who have become selfish in the world. Dawn Seeker's mates have not been as accepting to her new lifestyle changes. Changes that have made her happy and them trying to take that new happiness away. Ontos and Charging pun have young kid(s), and spouses that take up lots of their ever limited free time.

We're all in a state of flux and folks are busy people. I'm not mad at my mates, I'm frustrated, I'm venting - I'm trying to think this out on paper. The more I look at the problem and ramble it out, I feel a sense of greater understanding on what they are going through in their own lives - something I need to take note of.

I got off the Facebook and some of the communications I've had recently have been much more than a 'like' or re-post. I've had full e-mails and phone calls. Yet for some I'm slipping away - my demands for more genuine contact, interactions is more of a burden to them. A burden they are less inclined to accommodate.

I want folks to be more inclusive and genuine with each other. When you say you're gona get together - or you're a go to person for an activity... do/be it. Don't keep rescheduling, forgetting, or having other shit come up - once and a while make that person a priority. "Do" don't just "say" - or Facta Non Verba.

Quote by Bruce Lee that I found on the internets
Not acting, not following up will result in loss and mistrust. Cracks in old friendships and shitty foundations for new ones. Without the common grounds of schools and other social activities (in my case gaming) it's a lot harder to make new friends and keep older ones. Why waste those chances to keep a friend - a friend, or in making a lasting 'real' friend with simple jabber.

Keep in touch with each other, get together - split the roles of deciding who's doing what, when, and with whom. Keep the mix and 'Do it'.

This is a lesson I need to keep up and keep working and it's a lesson buckets of folks need to remember.

If we treat each other different from the way we speak about treating each other we lose everything.