11 Apr 2014

Break - Not in the mood

I've be away.

I've got a slew of half completed posts kicking in the queue, including the last set of Mass Effect Journals.

I'm not doing well.

When I was going to leave my last full time job last year, 18 April 2013. I decided to look for work as of the previous December. That's a four and a half months head start looking for new work.

I'm still looking and that's hard.

I have 15 years working in various tech fields and I spent 12 years getting my BA done so I could say I have something more than incompleted high school. I worked two jobs and went to school for the last five years so I could be ready for the workforce and get hired full time in the areas I'm interested in - from the ground floor.

It's harder when you see a buddy who get's laid off. It's hard to chat with him the next day, aka the first day of his job hunt. It's hard to not hate my position and situation when he has a job interview the second day of his unemployment, thats looking to end up as an offer....

I hope he gets the job.

I had my birthday last Friday. I had folks over for some Magic the Gathering. We played had fun, we left for the IMAX 3d Movie of Captain America: Winter Soldier. I liked the flick. We hit the restaurant and I started to pass out...

Why? Well I normally wake up at 2pm/1400 every day. I work from 6pm/1800 until 6am/0600 four of seven days in the week. As it was my birthday I tried to change my sleep pattern... and failed. The weather was brilliant, and I had to sleep through it. I'd be up for breakfast but be unable to stay awake during the day...

Outside of my faltering end of a birthday, the rest of weekend was a series of fails. Everything I tried to do, blew up in my face... once literally, it was a spray can.

I haven't played a video game in over five weeks minus the two times I tried out Star Trek: Online with Ontos and Ferrus. Outside of my awesome Legend of the Five Rings on Thursday night, I have started to not game. I don't even paint anymore... I don't even write.

On my days off, I look for work while the wife sleeps. I sit and zone out in front of the PC, I watch Netflix all in the dark. In most cases alone... I do this normally from 8pm/2000 until 5am/0500 in order to keep my sleep pattern for work.

On my days off, most folks are working. Thurs I get to jump in with my weekly gamer group. Friday I'm working at another job in the evening. Some weeks I get to my third job on Thurs and Friday afternoons. By the time late friday night comes around, I may get to see other folks...

Saturday is a precious jewl. It's my only day off that is shared with the rest of you and the wife. I need to make sure she's not being ignored, she my wife, my life partner and my friend... I like spending time with her. I try to meet up with other folks, maybe getting something done... but folks are busy and time tables rarely link.

It's been a hard nine months... come June 1st, it's looking like my post will be cut. Might get delayed, might not. We lost the bid to another company and I'll not be making the same wages but I hope to have more time to dedicate towards working for work.

I've gained weight, I'm unhappy, I'm a cranky ass... worst off, I'm uninspired.

I'm not living... I'm working to live.

I have a crap doughnut with the odd sprinkle of yum. My wife, my mates, my thursday outing... but I spend most of my time alone in the dark - literally.

All I'm doing now is holding out for a break, a single moment when something finally goes my way, while working hard to make sure the break knows I'm ready to receive.