4 Apr 2013

Thoughts - I am 33 years old

Today I turned 33 years old.

I just got back from my honeymoon. My wife is taking me out to dinner to celebrate my graduation and my birthday alongside our anniversary. She's that awesome.

I don't mind getting old.

I don't mind not having kids... again. I don't mind feeling useless and full of fear as my job ends in 14 days. I don't mind my own failures and weaknesses... I've had plenty of those.

I don't mind being so fucking stupid so often in my life.

At times, waves of memories will flood over me and I'll re-live a whole moment with what I know today. I'll be drowning in shame and embarrassment for all the dumb shit I've said and done. I push it back down knowing it will come back and haunt me.

I don't mind those moments. They keep me honest and they remind me of the lessons I've had to face.

I hurt people and I'm sorry I hurt those people. I am not immune to the shitty aspect that is being a member of the human race. I try to be better, and hope (when I'm down) and believe (when I'm happy) that trying is a good place to be.

I don't mind my birthday.

I don't mind me.